Ten Tips


A Start ....

Whilst I would never prescribe a “quick fix” there are certainly things you can do to help improve your current circumstance. I have compiled 10 Tips Lists of things as a start. I value counselling for the relationship it creates…. 1 hour of therapy provides a lifetime of relief and progress.

    These tips are designed as a quick & handy reference guide, providing you with the foundation blocks that will get you on your way to a happier life. As an experienced counsellor and psychotherapist, I can help you to integrate these methods into your daily life practically and quickly, allowing you to focus on things that you would prefer to be focusing on... like the rest of your life.

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Improve your relationship

  1. Communicate clearly... to ensure your message is received as it was intended.
  2. Show respect... for one another, maintaining this both privately and in public.
  3. Be self-aware... be conscious of the impact your behaviour has on your partner.
  4. Be supportive... endeavour to be the primary support for your partner, not their competition.
  5. Don't assume... that you know what your partner wants or needs; they change over time. Listen to them and ask questions.
  6. Actively listen... show that you understand what your partner is saying by learning to engage in their conversation, not promote your own agenda.
  7. Talk politely... it's often those we are closest to that we talk "down" to. Try to talk to them as you would talk to a person you love & respect.
  8. Be intimate...intimacy can take many forms, including sex, romance & conversation.
  9. Look after yourself... when you are happy with yourself, you have more energy to devote to your relationship.
  10. Assess goals regularly... ensuring that both your joint & individual goals are monitored, prioritised and achieved.

Practical Parenting

  1.  Reassess your parenting style... Does your approach fit with your values and help your children be the best they can be?
  2. Instill healthy habits in your children... Childhood is the training ground for adulthood. Are you encouraging the best habits for later life?
  3. Allow room to explore... Some "bad" things are ok in moderation like McDonalds, parties, late nights.
  4. Demonstrate well-balanced behaviour... Mix reading, exercise and fun with homework, sleep and family time.
  5. Seek professional help if required... Specific debilitating difficulties, such as anxiety, eating disorders, ADHD and other special needs require professional intervention.
  6. Do not compare children... Comparisons make one person feel superior and the other inferior. Assist individuals to excel and find their own, unique attributes and strengths.
  7. Look for the underlying messages in the behaviour... Behaviour is the way children demand attention when they cannot communicate effectively.
  8. Advocate and teach self-advocacy... Speak up for your children and teach them that it is ok to speak up for themselves.
  9. Parent with effort... Although it is often difficult and unappreciated, put energy into your children individually- identify their needs, read with them, teach them, show them how to make good choices in life.
  10. Lead by example... Demonstrate effective communication and healthy habits rather than demanding them.

Overcoming Depression

  1.  Focus on today... Asking "What do I need to do to get through the day?" is a practical strategy that focuses your thoughts and drives improved outcomes.
  2. Listen to your body... Your body is providing hints like sweaty palms and lethargy, indicating that something is not okay.
  3. Assess your lifestyle choices.. Look for a healthy balance of stimulating alone time, down time, and social time.
  4. Focus on realistic thoughts... Question extreme positive or negative views. Look for a balanced outlook that truly reflects all the facts as they exist today.
  5. Do the opposite... to what your depressive thoughts are telling you. For example, get out of bed, shower, get dressed, go for a walk in the fresh air, do some exercise. Do the practical things that have real health benefits.
  6. Avoid unhealthy coping strategies... Like alcohol, drugs, gambling or violence. Look for healthy coping strategies, like exercise or a hobby. Exercise releases "happy" endorphins... serotonin, lifting your mood.
  7. Give no voice to self-harm... Self harm will give you short term relief from other pain but ultimately will do nothing to help your depression.
  8. Start small... Focus on small steps, looking to accomplish achievable goals.
  9. Share your feelings... Look for supportive friends or family to help you through your dark times. This will help you to cope with your feelings of isolation and loneliness.
  10. Seek professional help... Depression can be a serious illness requiring professional intervention. A counsellor can provide non-medical treatment, whilst a doctor can discuss a Health Care Plan and may consider antidepressants as a treatment.

Manage Anxiety

  1.  Be present... Use touch (your strongest sense) to "ground" yourself and bring yourself back to reality. Feel your shirt, your chair, the grass, or anything that can give your brain a substance & texture to focus on.
  2. Seek a calming environment... You will find it easier to relax if you are in a relaxing environment.
  3. Get a hobby... Look for something you enjoy and can use as a distraction from your anxiety.
  4. Breathe... In through the nose, out through the mouth (not extreme) count to 10, try to regulate breathing so you can start thinking clearly
  5. Anxiety is your foe... It is not providing security.
  6. Assess likelihood of thoughts coming true... 
  7. First thought is often negative, try the second thought more realistic
  8. Ask yourself what do I need to do to get through this moment, then through this day
  9. Seek professional help
  10. Speak to your GP to get a referral, consider medication or discuss other strategies.

Coping with Infertility

  1. Be realistic… What can I do to help my body fall pregnant is more helpful than thinking positively or negatively.
  2. Aim for balance… Divide time to work, relationships, hobbies, family and other healthy choices.
  3. Maintain inner health… Choose healthy food, healthy weight range, balance alcohol and external chemicals, so mind is clear, body is healthy to deal with any situation.
  4. Minimise external toxins… Alcohol, nicotine, drugs, or food that may contain bacteria are contributing factors to unhealthy pregnancies.
  5. Make sex more than reproduction… Include in your relationship intimacy and love making to ensure relationships receive attention as well as procreation.
  6. Talk to someone… Sharing your thoughts and feelings feel less isolating and include empathy.
  7. Don't compare… Every person's body and situation is different, what works for some may not apply to your body's needs.
  8. Self care… Massage, manicures, exercise & time –out are examples of self care which is important in looking after yourself.
  9. Consider acupuncture… Acupuncture is one alternative health that research supports having a positive influence on infertility.
  10. Consider counselling… Talk to a professional with understanding, respect and no judgements.

Live Well After Abuse

  1. Tell someone... To be free from abuse you must make safety a priority. If you are still being abused, you need to tell someone.
  2. Seek help... You may feel embarrassed however abuse is too big and isolating to deal with on your own.
  3. Select helpful people… Surround yourself with helpful support network that believe you rather than look for blame.
  4. Recognise your internal support… Identify your own strengths including one of survival, and good people in your life.
  5. Seek professional help... Make choices and, seek counselling to help you deal with your trauma and live a life free of abuse.
  6. Be present... Use touch (your strongest sense) to "ground" yourself and bring yourself back to reality. Feel your shirt, your chair, the grass, or anything that can give your brain a substance & texture to focus on. This stops feelings of pain when your thoughts or feelings have been triggered.
  7. Recognise your rights… Your basic human right is to be free of abuse and start exercising your choices.
  8. Recognise normal reactions... Extreme sad feelings and other reactions are common and normal given the extra ordinary circumstances you have survived.
  9. Acknowledge your survival of a life-threatening trauma… You are living as a survivor, have survived the worst trauma and do not need to continue suffering.
  10. Regain control over your life… Make choices that make you happy and safe.

Reminder: these tips are designed as a quick & handy reference guide and are not intended as standalone treatment