Parenting

 Unfortunately parenting does not come with a manual, nor are children's behaviours predictable, understandable or consistent. Due to external factors like school, peers, demands, and family difficulties, people react in different ways. Parents parent differently, therefore conflict and challenges are inevitable.

Chronological age of children, emotional regulation and maturity, stress factors, diagnosis and personalities all contribute to parent / child relationships. Counselling increases understanding, works with differences for improved relationships and well-being. 

Parenting does not have to conform to one style, however teaching children consequences can start at one's self awareness of the consequences of their parenting, in their children's behaviour, performance, self esteem, motivation and manners. 

    Practical suggestions that assist in dealing with parenting issues are listed below:

• Discuss with your partner (if present) parenting styles that fit your values and expectations. There is no right or wrong, as long as the child's best interest is priority.
• Encouragement, guidance and boundaries are essential in parenting with good results. Excess of any action becomes detrimental. For example, too many boundaries may not be conducive in allowing children to learn from their mistakes, where as too much freedom deprives children of appropriate boundaries and self control.
• Parenting is relentless and has added difficulties when special needs are present. Difficulties like dealing with bullying, victims, parenting in blended families, sensitivities, addictions and other difficult issues require specialist help. Do not hesitate to search professional support; children benefit from support, help, and external positive influences.
• Comparing children is not helpful. Children have their own characteristics and attributes. Appreciate them and help the individual excel in their own specialty.
• Decipher behaviour from the underlying issue. Listening to what your child is trying to communicate is important in understanding rather that the way it is communicated. Often nagging and whinging may be a child's attempt at attention.
• Advocate for your children, and assist them to advocate for themselves. This results in assertiveness with manners and clarity in their messages. This can start at age 3 when they are having a tantrum, let them finish their outburst then encourage them to speak their message in clear words.
• Parenting with effort ensures the child is always being attended to and guided in the right direction. Don't underestimate the ramifications of parenting with effort versus parenting with minimum input.
• Children learn by observation, listening, mimicking, and copying strategies. Setting good examples demonstrates effective communication and relationships.